You really want to know what's on my mind?

Family stuff makes me so upset these days. It’s so frustrating that I have to choose between my parents even though I don’t want to. My dad makes me feel guilty that I want to stay with my mom when I am only going to be back in Florida for a week and haven’t seen her in eight months. I shouldn’t have to feel that way! He knows that I am closer with her and somewhere he had to know that was going to happen all along. It’s like I’m the parent and he’s the child. I just spent a few days with him in Boston...I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, or rather, what feels like broken glass. It's actually funny that I am majoring in Psych because my family is so fucked up and I in turn have so many problems that it's comforting to know most psychologists suggest that all signs point towards family relationships as the number one cause.
The house we have in Florida is nothing like a home and I don’t even have a room there anymore. It almost makes me uncomfortable to go back there. This time of year makes me really nostalgic for Enci town. Currently, I don’t really consider myself to have a home. I loathe Sanford probably more than anything in my life. It is in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and a place nobody ever leaves. It is full of rednecks and uneducated and ignorant African Americans. Think apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur. There are thunderstorms just about every day of the summer and after growing up 5 minutes away from the beach, an hour means hitting up the beach for a bit is not happening. I can’t even convey how much I HATE that place. I consider my real home to be in California. 2978 Las Olas court to be exact. I hate that we had to move my senior year of high school. I will forever resent this decision made by my parents. You don’t really realize how much a home really means until you don’t have one. Coming back from college, all I really want is to come back to something comfortable, with the amenities that you don’t have at school-meals cooked for you, laundry magically done, and my room. My bed. My dog. The stuff that I left behind. I guess you know you are grown up when the only thing you’d go back for is family...except that’s broken too. Nothing is the same anymore and I feel like my parents aren’t there for me anymore. Maybe that’s just what growing up means and your friends become your family.
Thank god I have wonderful, supportive friends who have been there for me when I wanted to look to my family and couldn’t. I love you with all my heart. I really don’t know what I would do without you <3 Tweet This